5 Keys For the Journey of Overcoming Anxiety & Panic.

When you see our life on display I don’t think you would realize that just a little over 5 years ago I was at the height of experiencing daily panic and anxiety. The kind that made leaving the house or being surrounded by kids in my kitchen feel completely paralyzing, overwhelmed and like I was going to pass out. Through counseling I realized I was experiencing post traumatic stress after years of enduring medical trauma with our daughter and trying to funnel the emotions into “lessons and growth” rather than feeling and accepting some pretty brutal and negative emotions.

My initial nervous breakdown took place about 2 weeks before we found out we were pregnant with our third child. I was terrified. We knew we wanted to have another kid and had been trying for 4 months, then after experiencing a complete mental breakdown in my living room I find out weeks later that we are, in fact, pregnant. I hugged Rich and told him, “I cannot do this alone. I cannot do this alone.” It was a really scary time for me.

Let me tell you that I would have NEVER thought I could have the life I have now with three kids in three different schools with three different schedules, public speaking, writing, helping run a college program at church with my husband, attending meetings, exercising, and just being a human. But I have, thankfully, been on this trajectory, with turbulence at times, but steadily and surely.

My journey away from panic has not involved any quick fixes, although medication was never completely off the table in my brain, and I always hoped for a miracle, but I can say it has been a holistic one, and one that I believe to be sustainable and easily accessible.

Perhaps the following ideas could also free you from some of the tension, trauma, or stress that you’re feeling as a medical parent.

1. Counseling

Personal Counseling: This was first for me. Personal counseling allowed me to process the root of my anxiety and having someone else affirm the hardships in our life was helpful… hopeful. This is where I learned the phrase, “Don’t stuff it”, the idea that every thought and emotion should be processed in the right spaces with the appropriate people (aka not on Facebook at 2am, although I tried to end that tendency around age 19!). Things left unsaid or bottled up would eventually find their way out, and for me that usually looked like an anxiety attack in social settings or while in the check out line at Target, or at a stoplight. Seriously, stop lights DID ME IN for me for so long. Like I said, I am so grateful for the breakthroughs I am so used to experiencing in the here and now. Instead of stuffing down thoughts or feelings I started getting BRUTALLY honest with God. He’s the safest person to talk to in my opinion anyway, He could handle it. I let it all out. All the dark thoughts. And soon enough, the cup that was once overflowing with adrenaline started to settle, slowly but surely.

Marriage Counseling: Rich and I first went to marriage counseling because our church made it available to us as pastors and we thought, “Hm, we’ve undergone a lot in 4 short years of marriage, I guess we should go and see what comes up?” Four hours later. I’m not kidding. We didn’t scream at each other or uncover dark secrets, but we listened, and our dear marriage counselors listened. They observed and pointed out things about each of us that unlocked understanding and keys that we still use today (7 years later). It was simple and life changing all at once. We learned what one another needed when we were tired, when we were grieving and what we individually needed to feel most at rest and peace. As they say, “Don’t wait for the car to breakdown before you check the oil”, or something like that. I suggest marriage counseling for anyone, even the healthiest of couples.

2. Exercise

I really like fitness and when I first started getting really into exercise it was after the birth of my second child and before my “nervous breakdown”. I realized that I was actually fitness-ing way too hard. My adrenaline was through the roof and just needed to rest. So when it all hit the fan I actually stopped my hard core workouts. I slowly started running, but to the best of my ability I kept it low key and not about hitting any goals. I involved exercise for fun, like barre and dance and yoga. It’s what my body needed. Now, I think I mentally have a much healthier relationship with fitness and I focus on weight training (lifting as heavy weight as I can), and walking or riding my stationary bike. Pretty simple, no need to get crazy 😉 .

I get that fitness can be idolized or abused but I think a lot of stressed out people, including special needs parents, are completely missing it if you are not doing it. Search the internet galore for as many facts as you need about how it regulates your hormones, mood, immune function, lifespan, disease recovery, metabolism, and and and.

For me, its about being whole. It’s about relieving tension in a healthy and controlled way. It’s about gaining strength to lift my daughter well into my older age. It’s about bonding with my husband in our garage gym. It’s about being alert and not sluggish and going into my day and being involved with my family in a very focused way. So yah, it’s important 🙂

3. Just say no to caffeine and crap.

I don’t do caffeine any more. It spikes my adrenaline and with our lifestyle and my propensity toward anxiety I just don’t. I’m so totally okay with it. I do drink matcha (green tea powder) because it gives me a much slower and lower energy boost, and just doesn’t make me as agitated as the french press coffee I would drink for breakfast on my way to college classes with a banana in hand 14 years ago. Go figure.

And yes, I try not to eat too much crap. Again, it’s good to have a balanced relationship when it comes to health and health foods, but I just know me and I know that if my body is feeling “off” based on something I ate, the chances of me being able to have a sound mind throughout my day will reduce by a good 20-30%. There’s many things I don’t eat, and usually those are things I don’t miss. The “fun” things I want, I do, but in moderation and usually whenever I want them to keep me from restricting then going on a binge and feeling completely sluggish and ill. Again, my mental health, my immune function and my bodily health for the contribution to my family matters more to me than temporary fixes.

4. Breathe Deep & Take it all In

So much of my anxiety came from wishing I was somewhere else or being “further along”. It came from the desire to be free. Going from a social centered person to a caregiver that is dedicated to a pretty non-social wheelchair bound child was… hard. To say the least. But when you can settle in and say, “This is the moment God created me to be in right now, so this is the moment I will enjoy and give my everything to”, it changes something. As my dear friend once said about overcoming moments of anxiousness in social settings, “This is a great place to make a home.” In other words, “I could do this all day”. At a doctor’s appointment? I could put curtains up and light a candle up in here. In line at the DMV? I’ve always wanted to camp in a building like this. Child gagging on mucus in the minivan while at a stoplight? Where did I put that towel.. this is a perfectly acceptable time to get out of the driver’s seat and assist. Other drivers will have to deal. 🙂 Just take it all in.

And with that, breathe deep. Again, Google the science 🙂 Deep breaths do wonders for our bodies. It gives our bodies the oxygen they need to keep our hearts pumping, our brains thinking clearly, and our bodies in the present moment. Ask yourself, “Have I hydrated today? Have I had protein today? Or have I only had a latte and a muffin?” And ,”When is the last time I took a deep breath?”

5. Commune

I couldn’t end this post without acknowledging the part that communion with God plays for me. A God who sees and knows and cares and has actually experienced every human emotion and pain. A safe place to disclose private thoughts, and a training ground for quieting my mind and meditating on pure, beautiful and true things. There is no downside to making time to commune with God.

Lastly, commune with others. As mentioned in the counseling bit, it helps to find your people. I have 1-3ish people that I will tell very deep things to. A gift of age is realizing that I don’t need 20 people to understand what I’m going through, but I do need 1-3 🙂 And the cool thing is, my 1-3 have never had a special needs child. They have no idea what it’s like, but they kind of do now, because of me . They can’t fix anything, but they listen and they know me. To be known is vulnerable but it is a gift. It is freeing. There’s no hiding, and there’s no stuffing, and they stay on the journey with you for the long haul.

I would love to know which areas stand out to you or where you’re at in your process. For more in depth content about my personal story as a special needs parent and overcoming disappointment while still thriving , you can sign up for my newsletter below. Here’s to the journey.