Then There Were Five

Our girls. By Lynda Kennedy Photography

Well hello there! It’s been 7 weeks since we welcomed Millie Taylor earthside . Our third (and final) child. Delivered at home, 10 days late, so swiftly and so sweetly. Millie is, by far, my most cuddly child, with the sweetest demeanor. Both of her sisters love her and she fits the “baby of the family” persona quite well.

We now have a 4 yr old (in a wheelchair, completely dependent on us), a 2yr old (mobile and busy) and a newborn.  Our life is rich. I’ve been on the down low more than ever before in my life . I say no to social engagements like I’m paid for it. The 22 year old Hilary would be appalled.  

Rather than waiting for some grand writing debut when all my kids are 16 years old and I feel successful, I figured there’s no better time to reflect on our crazy, unconventional life than when we’re right in the middle of it. 

The following is a step by step analysis of an afternoon in the Harris house. 

This is not an exaggeration. The characters, events, and timelines you are about to read about are all completely non fictional. 

For the sake of quick reading, we’ll pick up  after mid day naps…

2:36pm

• Everyone wakes up from a nap.
• Everyone is apparently in a great season of lament. I don’t know what we’re mourning. Probably the great time when everyone was asleep. Or the late morning when I was at my parents house and Haven was playing and Millie napped while I watched The Bachelorette. Whatever it is, my children are experiencing deep grief. 
• Calm Millie down. Put Millie down for another snooze. 
• Hold and connect with Haven so she doesn’t need emotional counseling later in life. Promise her potato chips if she finishes a peach I cut up 4 hrs ago.
• Put Haven’s shoes on and take the drama outside because she doesn’t care enough about potato chips to finish eating a peach. 
• Open the door for Haven to go outside and finally tend to Jane, who is still inside. 
• Find Jane, in her cozy swing, laying in a small amount of vomit, and a full diaper.
• Haven is screaming outside. There was a bug. Bring her back inside.
• Return to Jane.
• Start load of whites. (Cause vomit)
• Take Jane and Haven back outside. 
• Millie is crying inside. 
• Get baby and go outside. 
• Start Jane’s afternoon snack on her feeding pump.
• Start blowing bubbles for Haven with my free hand while I nurse Millie.
• Haven wants to do the bubbles by herself. 
• Hand feed haven the old peach while I nurse Millie and Haven pretends like she can blow bubbles.
• Haven spills the whole bottle of bubbles on the ground. (Honestly, thank God).
• Haven wants to eat the peach herself. She takes the bowl and drops bowl of peaches on the ground (obviously). 
• Tell Haven to pick them up and eat them.
• Help her pick them up and lick my fingers. Remember that I cleaned vomit and poop and never washed my hands. But I did do laundry so that counts I think… 
• Haven and Millie are happy and quiet, Jane’s feeding pump beeps at me. It’s far away. I actually think it ran out of battery because I never got up to turn it off and it’s not beeping anymore as I write this. 
• Haven asks “What’s that bee?” 6 times. I tell her , “It’s a bee”. 
• I remember our “at home date night” we had last night. It feels like 3 yrs ago. Or maybe it was a dream within a dream.
• I remember Rich has worship team night tonight. He will be gone for the evening. I die inside.
• Ignore all children and type this bullet point list. 
• It’s 3:56pm
• Plan to post this entry later in the evening. Post it exactly one week later. 

Guys, life is fun right now. It is exhausting and hilarious. While there is SO much fullness, there are so many opportunities to become void. Void in our marriage, our health, or our mental capacity to deal with grief and trauma and memories. Outside of this entertaining afternoon, there is also bills to be handled, appointments to be attended, and really hard decisions to be processed. All of this, if not handled well, can lead to void.

Through the next couple weeks I’ll be processing and posting all the things I wish someone had told me before we began his crazy journey, that I am starting to figure out for myself.

I’m excited to write to you again. I’m excited to connect with words to the other parents and families dealing with a special needs loved one, or un-invited life circumstances. Maybe it’ll be posted soon. Maybe in 2 years, either way, I’m back! And it’s coming!

 

* Any and all typos will be corrected by my husband at a later time, after business hours. For now, enjoy.